Mostaq Shakil

Jim had good sleeping habit all his life. No matter what time he goes to bed, he usually sleeps through 6 to 7 hours uninterrupted. That however, has changed since last couple of weeks. He can’t sleep more than couple of hours at a time. And a new sleep zone started in between that is half sleep, half hallucinations.

‘Couple of weeks already passed’ Jim spoke to himself, awake at 3:00 AM in the morning

‘Every minute is important, let alone an hour, it is better if I sleep as less as possible before going to eternal sleep. But I also have to maintain my mind functioning’

‘May be one way to die painless is to actually go out of mind’

‘Nope, can’t do that, act responsible until the time comes, there are people depending on me’

Jim’s mind is constantly working. Other than the physical issues, that sometimes makes him demotivated to think anything at all, different parts of the head continuously visualize how his funeral going to be like, what he will feel, who will he remember at the very moment he goes, how his family going to move on post his departure… so much to be figured out. Can Susan and Leonard run his business, they have so little time to catch up. Can the grief, learn and take ownerships all at the same time? These all happening so fast! He wishes he had two years instead of two months. This would have made things more organized.

‘Not so sure about it, time is never enough. If I had two years I may have the same feeling during the last two months of the two years, it is never enough’

 Dr. Sen appointed a ‘death’ councilor who visits Jim twice a week. First, Jim was very reluctant of wasting time however after couple of sessions he found those sessions useful, specially it helps him to think quicker and surrender quicker.

Jim realizes he has entered in the ‘Surrender’ phase, where he has accepted his destiny.

Yet, at times, Jim is thankful that he at least has some time to prepare and handoff everything to his family, has chance to say goodbye to his loved ones and do anything he can do within this short period of time as the priorities are now changed.

Next morning woke up with devastating news of Tsunami in East Asia where number of countries were impacted and thousands of people just vanished in few hours. Television channels are showing live report on people suffering, children looking for their parents, parents looking for their children. People moving to shelter with everything they can take in two hands, the scenes are unbearable. Normally it would devastate Jim but the strange reaction occurred this time, watching this, for some reason, Jim feels better. He knows that it is cruel to think this way, it is against him but probably his mind thinks of himself luckier than others who were impacted in the Tsunami. Sometimes nature’s destructions are so powerful and it occasionally happens to remind people that human are nothing other than tenants on the nature earth. They have not achieved anything significant yet. Human are stupid and weak. By not having meal for a day, human lost logic sense and can do weird things to each other. The world is full of imbalance and poor distributions, false supremacy and artificial boundaries created by human themselves.

 ‘It is all subjective, all part of the theory of relativity. Probably not a bad thing to die away’ Jim sobs. Relatively to many people in the world, Jim is having a peaceful and planned departure. These kind of thoughts make Jim stronger to embrace the departure, he is getting ready, and perhaps he is ready.

By the end of week four, most of the complex work first steps were done. The investor meetings, running the company playbook, having sessions with Susan and Leonard done. Jim is proud of the family members, how they are recovering and being sensible, not acting like holding a glass full of water in front of him. His daughter is the most sensitive one but she is also trying her best to act normal with her sense of humor that she has always possessed.

Today’s session with Mr. Olund was interesting. He mentioned life is like an endless journey but the rule of the journey is that one starts and stops at different times perhaps by being born. Some leave early, some leave later. Some wants to leave early and majority don’t want to leave. From the creator of life- the most basic foundation of any life is given – to defend itself. This is why the journey of life is so interesting especially to those who loves their journey.

‘There must be a meaning of life and destiny’

‘Yes of course there is, most of us just don’t realize’

‘You know Mr. Olund, I always wanted to live an impactful life that is beyond just having an impact on myself and family. Something that will benefit mass people. Alas! Not to be, the business I got into was only for my pleasure and to my limited clients, nothing mass’

‘Jim, very small number of people were born to change the world. They bring something with them for their journey. And that can change the course of the journey of the human beings. They are normal people just like you and me but they apply themselves and with the destined ingredients, they can make impacts that you are talking about. The thought of why you are one of them, would not help at this point of life but you can do something with your wealth in a wise way that potentially can become massive someday’

To be continued…